I did have an application that transferred my Tweets over here to LJ at the end of every day. It was convenient because then I could at least have some sort of record of the day right here in one place without. Alas, LoudTwitter - the application - has gone down and might not come back up. I'm trying to keep up with the news from the LoudTwitter blog as to when it will come back. I miss it. And without it, it seems that I've forgotten to blog!
All of my Tweets are automatically recorded on Facebook as status updates, however. I know that not all of you guys reading this are on FB, so that doesn't help. But just in case you want to check out what's been going on, my Twitter page is http://twitter.com/cabin77. Surprise, surprise at the "cabin77" part! Ha!
I'll try to manually transfer my Tweets over here until LoudTwitter is back up. Not that I have a terribly interesting life . . . it's just that I, personally, like a record/journal of what's going on to be in one place for future reference.
Our story starts a few months ago. There we were, minding our own growing business in Austin when an owner of the same franchise in Garland, Texas called Hubby. She and her husband were needing to sell and sell quickly. She was finally pregnant - with twins, no less - and was facing bed rest by week 20. If they couldn't find a buyer by week 20, they would have to close the doors and walk away. Were we interested? The terms and the price were something that we could NOT walk away from. It was all sent from God. It truly was.
Fast forward to last week. We closed on the Garland center last Tuesday. (Now you may have some clue as to why I had so much tension in my jaw for a while!)
What does this mean for us and for our business? Well . . . it means that we've been able to expand our business in this economy - something that all of the economists are advising business owners to do if they can. But it also means a LOT more work for us in the short term. The former owner of the Garland center was also the center director. When she left, there was no one to run the center during the day (she had a part-time person who still comes in at 1:00 every day). So right now Hubby is the day person. He will spend the majority of the summer up there Mon - Thurs getting things in order and, hopefully, training a center director. We have a job listing posted on Craigslist and other places and are getting a ton of resumes. Hopefully we'll find the right person soon!
This is definitely a good thing. I hear a lightness in Hubby's voice that I haven't heard for a while. He's in his element and he's working for HIMSELF now. He's confident, excited and happy. I'm glad that he's able to be alone in the evenings right now so that he can stay focused if he needs to or he can relax totally and in silence when he needs to. I miss him. WE miss him. And he misses us. But we also know that it's only for a season. Once he gets the Garland director up and running, then he can make do with weekly day trips up there - home by bedtime!
How am I holding up? Thanks for asking! It's tough. I have a whole new respect for single moms. I see how much Hubby has my back in day to day existence. I see how important alone time is - and how hard it is to get it.
The kids are obviously affected, too. They are a bit more clingy. I notice that Buddy is my little shadow much more than usual. They are also more on edge and more apt to bicker. That makes it hard for Mommy! I've also noticed that Buddy is pushing the boundaries like he never has before. Yesterday there were two instances when I told him specifically NOT to do something and he immediately (no sneaking about it) went and did exactly what I told him not to do. There was no lag time. It was immediate. Needless to say, punishment was also immediate. And he is without TV or computer privileges for the rest of the week.
So now you can kind of understand the source of the jaw tension - kids out of school and home almost all day every DAY, negotiating a business deal, the loss of Garbo, and becoming a part-time single parent all in the space of about six weeks. No wonder I clench! But even good tension (business expansion) is still tension.
Stay tuned. The summer isn't over! I'm sure I'll have more to report and vent!
- 21:33 Princess keeps asking me if Snape is a bad guy. I can't dodge this question for six more books!!! #
- 10:14 I looked up Snape in the Harry Potter Wiki (so I could better answer Princess' questions). He and I share the same birthday. Hmmmmm. #
- 15:23 Weather says there's a 60% chance of rain today. I'll wash my car this afternoon to see if I can increase the odds. #
- 18:15 @fourwall Welcome home! #
- 19:32 I'm hearing thunder!!!! And the wind has picked up. I'm not even going to hope that . . . nah. If I say it, I'll jinx it. #
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princessgarbo friends! I just wanted to let you know that Princess has updated her blog and backdated several entries. These won't show up on your most recent friend page - you'll have to visit her blog to see them. I invite you do to so! She's posted some writing from her writing camp and some poems that she wrote this spring. If I do say so myself, they are pretty good!Enjoy!
- 08:28 Blueberries are not blue. They are deep plum. Or rather, that's the color they turned my smoothie. #
- 13:08 We're getting ready for Garbo's memorial service. I feel like I have a very surreal life. #
- 14:44 I just made guacamole for a cat's memorial service. Yes, it IS okay to laugh at that! #
- 15:11 Swim meet then pool party, now the kids are on the Slip N Slide. It's sunny and hot - water calls! #
- 09:10 @bethechels Ha! *snort* Good one! #
- 09:11 Hubby's home!!!! As a result, the kids and I slept until almost 8:00 this morning. Ahhhh. Lovely! #
- 16:45 It's been fun showing the kids what an entertainer Michael Jackson was. They LOVE Thriller. I think I'll skip over the pedophile part. #
- 19:17 @JHump I didn't say that I would NEVER tell them. I'll just let their history of MJ match my history - entertainer first, then freak show. #
I so needed this message today.
I have a confession to make - I've been wrestling with my faith lately. It's really nothing earth-shattering, nothing that is causing me to stay awake at night. Just questions popping into my head making me rethink why and if I believe everything that I'm reading/teaching. It's like there is a little voice in my head undermining everything that I know - I KNOW - to be true. Everything that I have experienced in my life, everything that my heart has confirmed to me, everything that God says in His word - that voice is calling all of that into question.
It disturbs me, but I also welcome it. I don't want to be a person who blindly follows a faith or a belief system because it's what I "should do" or because "so and so told me it was true". I want to be a person who has wrestled with the truth and who knows that she has found it. I want to continue to question and learn and grow.
Like I said, lately I have been questioning and wrestling. As I was working on the scripts for our Vacation Bible School yesterday I thought, "How can I get up in front of the kids and say these things when right now I'm questioning whether they are true?" And then I remembered that when I am up in front of the kids (this is my month to serve in our children's ministry and I lead the kids in worship songs every Sunday in June), the adrenaline of the moment forces me to go on autopilot. In those instances, I'm stepping aside and I'm letting God use me as He will. When I'm on stage, that's when I'm closest to God. That's when I feel the most connected to Him. That's when I know that I'm using the gifts that He's given me in the way that He wants me to use them. (And to clarify, I feel that way whenever I perform - VBS, Sunday morning, at a club with a rock band, in a comedy theatre, etc.)
Now, I have another confession to make (and this actually explains the first confession) - I have not made daily time to be with the Lord in years. I have not been in a Bible study, have not done an independent Bible study, have not set aside any time to just read a Psalm consistently in I really don't know how long. I have a very active prayer life. I pray all day - off and on. I make time to check in with God about all sorts of stuff. I confess when I'm feeling weak, I thank Him when I see blessings (and sometimes when I see challenges) and I let him know how I'm feeling and what my needs are. But I'm not actively seeking His Word from His Word. I'm getting too caught up in the busyness of every day. I'm making excuses, I'm getting online and wasting time, I'm . . . just flat out being lazy.
I want to get back into the routine of reading my Bible NOW before VBS kicks in. I need that infusion of Truth. I need a refilling of the old spiritual tanks before I tackle being "the face" of VBS for hundreds of kids in three weeks. (Not to mention the fact that two of the weeks leading up to VBS and the week OF VBS I'll be a single mom while Hubby's in Garland.)
Okay. Now that I've gotten all of that out there . . . what do I do? Steps that I will take:
1) Start with my e-mail devotion from Proverbs 31 Ministries. I need structure. I'm not the kind of person who can just open the Bible and start reading. I need a starting point.
2) Record questions that I have and answers that God reveals - either record them on my blog or in a notebook.
3) Pray even more - with more specifics, with more praise and with more honesty.
4) Ask you guys to confront me at will - ask me if I'm sticking to my proposed routine, ask me what I'm learning, ask me what questions/answers I have.
Now I'm off to look up the Philippians verse. I've always loved Philippians. I'm thinking that I may need to camp out there today for a bit.
- 23:59 @gravitybelt So are you guys making your way to . . . Austin?!?!? Might we be able to meet up while you are in Texas?!? Hoping! #
- 23:59 Oh, Mama Mia was wonderful. Everyone - from the players to the audience - had the time of their lives. I want to play Donna!!! #
- 00:54 @justgina Yes!!!! It was so much fun!!!! Beth and I went. I thought of you the whole time, too!!!! #
- 00:55 Marathon meeting at church tomorrow after swim team and Buddy's VBS. We'll all be vegging out tomorrow night! #
- 07:35 Great day today - lots to accomplish and then Hubby comes home tonight! AND the kids are getting along this morning! Woo hoo! #
- 19:43 Words fail me. Farrah and MJ in one day? #
- 23:14 Just had a marathon phone date with BFF. I had forgotten how wonderful it is to talk and giggle on the phone for hours. #
- 08:12 Going to see Mamma Mia tonight with sis-in-law. Can't wait!!!! Girls' night out!!!! #
- 18:12 I just made the best mashed potatoes - baked potato, spinach, bacon vinaigrette, cheese and a little milk and a pinch of salt. Wow! #
- 07:55 Hubby's on the road today. I'm praying for safe travel and a very successful trip. #
- 12:36 @dailycoyote Actually, I think I'd call you cool. You would NEVER be a drag! #
- 12:37 Six kids at my house today to play. And wine for me tonight. Maybe earlier! #
- 14:24 @rainnwilson Depends on what you carried on your tool belt. Of course carrying Depends ON a tool belt would at least make people look at you #
- 16:53 I survived having six kids running around the house! And, more importantly, THEY survived! And I got some stuff done. Amazing! #
- 16:07 @gravitybelt That's my absolute favorite cake wreck! Happy Falker Satherhood to your hubby today! #
- 16:07 Happy Father's Day! #
- 19:27 I start reading the first Harry Potter book to Princess tonight. I don't know who is more excited!!! Now, if I can just do all the voices! #
- 07:26 @RachelFineMusic That is outstanding!!!!!!! Have I told you that I'm SO proud of you?!?!?!? #
- 07:32 Check out the supernatural Twitter novella from one of the writers of TV's Eureka: @TheEtherIsReal. Loving it!!! #
- 11:32 @dailycoyote Maybe it's related to this? bit.ly/13xfON #
- 21:58 Looking forward to a long, restful night's sleep tonight. #
- 23:19 @dailycoyote This spoke to me. I'm in a fog right now and I needed to hear that. Thank you. #
- 23:22 I can't believe this is happening. I knew it would come, but after 18 and 1/2 years, I won't have my Garbo any more. Not a good night. #
- 08:12 Starting the day with more affirmation that we're doing the right thing. Sigh. #
- 15:02 Garbo passed peacefully in Princess' arms. We are washing ourselves with healing tears and laughing at wonderful memories. We'll miss her. #
Garbo died peacefully in Princess' arms around 2:45 this afternoon. The vet, Dr. Jan Allen, was amazing. She is SO gentle and it's obvious that she loves animals AND their owners. I would recommend her to anyone, any time. She answered the kids' questions matter-of-factly and with a beautiful softness. She said that she remembered Trooni and how beautiful she was. Yes, I do, too.
She complemented Garbo at how beautiful SHE was, stroked her head for a moment and then started explaining to Princess what she was going to do. She gave Garbo an injection of sedative and then continued to stroke her head. Garbo didn't even flinch when the needle slid under her skin. She was ready. It was time.
Buddy kept asking if she was dead yet, if her heart had stopped, if she was dead yet, etc. It was only when Dr. Allen softly said that Garbo's heart had stopped beating that he joined our tears. It was almost as if he couldn't mourn until she was actually gone. We three sat around Garbo and wept. Dr. Allen quietly excused herself and went out to her camper. She gave us a good ten minutes. We cried. We hugged each other and Garbo. And we prayed. We prayed for comfort and we also thanked God for giving us Garbo all those years.
Dr. Allen came back with a towel in which to wrap Garbo. Buddy took a couple of minutes to show her several pictures of Garbo that I had unearthed from an old box earlier today. Dr. Allen made a quiet fuss over them and let Buddy tell her all about them. Have I said how amazing she is? She let us hold Garbo a few more minutes, then I handed her over and Dr. Allen wrapped her in the towel. She asked if we had anything that we'd like to send with her to the crematorium. Princess had written her a letter and brought that down. Buddy said that he wanted to write her a letter, too. I gave him a piece of paper and a pen and he wrote, "I love you G". Dr. Allen took both letters, folded them neatly, placed them on Garbo's body and lovingly and gently wrapped her back up.
After Dr. Allen left, we all three sat on the stairs and cried together. My BFF called and listened to us cry, consoling me as I consoled my kids. (For the record, Hubby very much wanted to be here, but the only time the vet could come was right in the middle of a meeting that he could not miss. He knew that it was more important to help Garbo pass than wait for him to be available. He prayed for us and with us this morning and called as soon as he was done with his meeting. He's bringing pizza home tonight so that I don't have to fix dinner.) We stayed on the stairs for a while just holding each other and crying. Since then the kids have been watching Bedtime Stories and I've been playing mindless computer games. I think we just want to be numb for a bit tonight.
Thank you to all of my LJ and Facebook friends who have been so comforting and supporting. This would have been so much harder without you guys. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. We'll be healing from this for a while.
I'll be scanning in some older pictures of Garbo and sharing them before too long. She really was quite a beautiful cat! Was. Gotta get used to the past tense.
I look in on that and although I feel the emotion, the dam has not broken in me. I feel the waters surging, but the dam is holding strong. I'm being strong. I feel that I have to be strong. I don't know why. I don't know for whom. I just feel that I can't relax and let loose. At least not yet.
I've prepared as much as I can for this. I've known for years that Garbo is living on borrowed time. She's 19 years old, for goodness sake. That is ancient for a cat. I've known in my head for quite a while that this time was coming sooner rather than later.
But now it's here. And I'm not ready.
She's been with me almost my entire tenure in Austin. I got her in the fall of '90 after moving here December of '89. She's always been with me. Always. She's always been on the foot of the bed, or in the closet, or taking a drink of water, or watching TV (her favorite was the cartoon version of Charlotte's Web). She's my little investigative reporter, always looking at and analyzing every detail of what is going on around her. And lately she's been my little old lady puss who has slept most of the day and complained loudly when she thought no one was listening closely enough. She's like my shadow. I've taken her for granted. Taken for granted that she'd always be here, but knowing that, logically, that was impossible.
And here I sit on the night before her death. I, myself, having made the appointment to stop her heart. It's the least I can do for her. Her, Garbo, my constant companion for most of my adult life. She's in pain. She's uncomfortable. She's skin and bones. She's done. She's ready. She has the look and demeanor of the old people in the halls of nursing homes - sitting in wheelchairs and staring vacantly into the air. It's heartbreaking - especially when I remember the bright-eyed kitten I brought home from The Dragon's Lair almost 19 years ago.
I love you, Garbo. Thank you for the companionship, for the wide-eyed looks of wonder, for the entertaining gymnastics, for not taking no for an answer from either Pepper or Teddy, for letting me know that Hubby was more than acceptable, for loving my children and for adopting Princess as your own. You will be remembered with the utmost love and respect.
I will miss you.
- 21:44 Prayers please. Garbo is worse. I just don't see her lasting much longer. A difficult decision is on our horizon. #
- 07:00 @dailycoyote Because they've never been taught that integrity is priceless. #
- 07:01 I'm going to call the vet today. It's time. #
- 15:17 Waiting for the vet to call back. Wanting a Thursday afternoon appointment. I'm very at peace, so is Princess. It is time. #
- 17:31 Vet is coming tomorrow at 2:00 p.m. It's gonna be a hard night. #
She's the first cat that I raised from a kitten (I got her when she was about six months old). She's the pet that I've had the longest in my life - almost 19 years. She's been with me through . . . pretty much everything. And now I have to be here for her during this time.
Princess is distraught. She's been crying off and on all day. But she's being strong. She told me that she promised Garbo that she would hold her when she died. And she's determined to keep that promise. Last night Garbo stayed with her all night curled up next to her in bed. Tonight, Garbo has chosen to be under the bed (another bad sign). Just before I left her room, Princess said that she was going to tell Garbo good-bye, just in case she doesn't make it through the night. I'm heartbroken for her.
I hate to report this. I hate it. I'm in denial. I can't conceive of life without Garbo - she's been with me for so long. I just can't get it into my head that she's not going to be around. I take it for granted that she'll be curled up somewhere when I come in from grocery shopping. I go through the motions of feeding her because it's automatic - I've done it for almost my entire Austin residence. It's not sinking in that she's not going to be around because she always HAS been around. And she's always been healthy. With Teddy and with Trooni, I was reminded of their mortality quite a bit through Teddy's liver problems and Trooni's hips. But Garbo has always been sturdy and strong and full of piss and vinegar! She's never been sick and never been feeble. I think that's why my brain is on "does not compute".
It's late and I'm tired and I've got a rough couple of days ahead. I'll head off to sleep now. I promised Princess that I'd cuddle up with her if she's still awake when I come up to bed. She needs some extra loving right now.
Prayers and good thoughts are appreciated. I will keep everyone posted on what's going on.
